The Real Loser
by Cal-Wills
Summary: John thinks back to why Edge turned out the way he did. Yeah he might have won the TLC match, but over all, who's the real loser? Cena/Edge SLASH R


Title: The Real Loser (it's already over now)

Pairing: Edge/John Cena

Warnings: M/M Relationships, Language, implied sex and Angst

Plot: John reflects on who the real loser is after the TLC match.

Disclaimer: I don't own them… *Cries*

John's POV

Lillian announced me as the winner, the referee raised my hand, I had the Rated R spinner; WWE Title in my hands and Edge lied in broken table pieces.

Did I win? I can't recall.

I know it's my entire fault he's the way he is. I blame myself because I am at fault. I'll never forget the way he helped me, the way he helped me cope after my debut match against Kurt Angle in 2002; or the way I repaid him. No I know what you're thinking, 'John Cena gave Edge a nice blowjob after that'.

Well you're wrong, kind of. I'm talking about the way I turned my back on him for his former friend Matt Hardy. How hurt he was, oh he acted tough in front of everybody to save face, but behind closed doors he was anything but. I would know, Rey told me. But let's not get ahead here.

**~XX~FLASH BACK~XX~**

_June 2002_

"_What quality do you possess, that makes you think you can take on Kurt Angle?" _

"_Ruthless . . . Aggression!" *Slap* John cena attacked Kurt, believing that maybe just maybe he would win; but it was not to be as Benoit had come out and slapped on the cross face. _

_As John walked backstage feeling lousy, rubbing his neck, he just knew it was over. He remembered sitting on those backstage crates and replaying the match in his head. Everybody had pushed him around, laughed at him, calling him a punk kid and saying he got what he deserved for slapping one of the greats. _

"_Hey rookie." A soft voice murmured as a pair of boots stepped into John's line of vision. John slowly raised his eyes to see Edge with a small smile on his lips. The lips John had dreamed of kissing since he was 16. _

"_Oh I'm sorry was this your spot if so, I don't want to cause more problems I'll move" John murmured beginning to get his stuff together. "No" Edge laughed as he moved to place his hands on John's arms stopping him in his tracks. _

"_No it's not; I was actually looking for ya. Cena right?" Edge asked as John nodded too distracted by the fact that not only was Edge toughing him, but he was inadvertently between John's spread legs; since he had to moved closer to get John's attention. _

"_Call me John" He answered as Edge nodded. "John, I thought I'd give ya some pointers" Edge said with a mischief smirk as John's eye's closed. _

'_So for once the rumors are true' John thought with a small smile knowing what Edge had meant by 'pointers', so he decided to play coy. "Umm sure why not, I mean I could probably use it right? So when do we start and where" John asked feeling the excitement rising as Edge grinned. _

"_I say no better time like the present. My Hotel room, I'll pick you up when I'm done. My locker room isn't too far from here. But there's a guard that keeps jobbers and rookies in here, just tell him you're with Edge and he'll let ya threw". Edge murmured with a smirk as he turned to leave. _

_John sighed as he leaned back against the wall. He couldn't believe that had just happened, it was like a dream come true. He couldn't believe Edge was interested in him._

_John smiled as he got his things together and headed for the rookies showers. He sat his things in his locker, grabbed a towel and his essentials; and then headed for the shower areas. John showered quickly as he wrapped the towel around his waist, stopping dead in his tracks at what he heard. "Where's that PUNK CENA?" _

_John pursed his lips tightly together. "Right here!" He called waking out in his towel to see Kurt, Shannon and Matt Hardy. _

"_You slapped me!" Kurt yelled his face red with Anger. _

"_No, I bitch slapped you; bitch" John replied with a smirk as Kurt seethed._

"_Alright Everybody OUT!" Matt ordered as all of the rookies and jobbers plied out. _

"_What ya gonna beat me up? Or rape me?" John asked with a smirk as Shannon bowed his head as Kurt advanced on John only to get punched in the mouth; sending him flying back into Matt. John grabbed his briefs pulling them on quickly as Kurt and Matt got to they're feet and began walking towards John. _

"_What the hell is this?" Stephanie McMahon shouted as she surveyed the scene. "Cena started it!" Kurt lied as Matt agreed. Stephanie obviously didn't believe they're lie as she dismissed them before turning to John. _

"_I know you didn't start it, don't worry about it. Don't worry about them, congrats on your match, it was very good" Stephanie told John with a friendly smile. "Okay and thank you" John murmured back returning the smile as they parted ways. John hurried to get dressed as he grabbed his things and rushed to the superstar's part of the building. _

"_Who are you?" The guard asked as John smiled. "I'm with Edge" He answered as the man stepped back letting John threw. John began looking at the names on the locker-room doors. 'Edge' John smiled as he saw the name. _

_He knocked ion the door and waited patiently. "Why hello" Edge murmured with a smile as he let John in. John took note that Edge was only wearing a towel around his waist. _

**~XX~END OF FLASH BACK~XX~**

I sigh as I feel tears slipping down my cheeks at what I had done to him. Sometimes I even blame myself for his neck injury. Not that I had caused it but I didn't visit him either, didn't call him, didn't write him to ask if he was okay, didn't even so much as try to contact him what so ever.

The reason? I was concentrating on my own rising career while he sat on the sidelines, betrayed, broken hearted and injured. I know what you're thinking, what a dickhead. I know, I know and I deserve that and a lot more. But I really felt for him believe it or not as you may.

He missed two wrestle mania's, two years taken out of his life; time he'll never get back. I ran into him back stage in 2004 at the raw/SD! Draft lottery.

**~XX~FLASH BACK~XX~ **

_Raw, April _2004

_As I sat contemplating on what I'd do if I got drafted to raw, something on the screen grabbed my attention as I stared, watching and listening in disbelieve thinking it can't be. _

"_Well this is one hell of a new raw superstar! Nine time tag team champion, 6 times intercontinental Champion, US champion, Undefeated at Wrestle Mania; Edge!" Eric yelled as the crowd cheered. _

_Later that night_

"_You people will listen I have a very import" Eric began only to be interrupted by Edge's theme playing. "It can't be" I murmured. But it was, as he came walking out looking better then ever, the intensity fresh in his eyes as well as the hunger. He got in the ring, smiled and the speared Eric. _

"_This is my damn show" He yelled as I smile slightly, adjusting my US championship as I stand to get something to drink. As I head over to the catering table I see him walking towards me. He has that look in his eyes a look of pain, anger, angst, heartbreak, and one emotion I couldn't describe. _

"_Move punk" He grunted pushing me aside like everyone had done to me on my first day. "Okay I deserve that" I muttered as he glared. "Ya think! You deserve worse then this" Edge grumbled as he grabbed a water bottle and turned to leave, but I grabbed his shoulder._

"_Edge, I'm sorry. I feel terrible as it is. Is there anything I can do, to maybe fix us?" John asked as Edge shook his head 'no'. "Edge please" John pleaded, Edge tensed before spinning around and decking John in the nose as John went down. _

"_Okay, I may deserve this as well" John muttered as he held his nose. "Hell yeah you do, I hope I broke you damn nose!" Edge growled walking away as John sat holding his bloody nose, wishing he could do something to change the past. _

**~XX~ END OF FLASH BACK~XX~ **

My nose hurts just thinking of that. We avoided each other at all costs, my career rising as I became WWE champion; everyone congratulated me but him; not that I blame him but it would have been nice. Would've been nicer if I had him there to celebrate with me, man I hate myself! That night, he won the MITB Ladder match, becoming Mr. Money in the bank. I was happy for him, wrote a note and slipped it in his locker letting him know how happy he was for him, but Edge had never written back.

We avoided each other successfully threw out 2005, when 2006 rolled around; after I had beaten all six competitors in the elimination chamber, Edge cashed in his MITB briefcase and won the WWE Championship, right out from under me.

Only to have me beat him at the Royal Rumble. He would later screw me two more times, and not the way I wanted it to be. At ECW ONS he screwed me out of the WWE title letting RVD pick up the win, then he screwed me AND RVD on raw; winning the WWE title.

I earned my rematch, at summer slam in my hometown, last month; only for him use brass knuckles to cheat me out of it again. My last shot was tonight in Edge's hometown, in Edge's TLC match, I won after FU-ing him threw two tables. I did win, didn't I? Then why doesn't it feel like I've lost more then I've gained?

Why am I still sleeping alone in a cold bed with no warm body to comfort me? Why am I still haunted with memories of nights from 5 years ago; haunted of dreams, dreams of me and Edge; where my nights were not spent pacing the floor unable to sleep; but between a pair of strong thighs as lovers moved together as one.

So I ask you again, did I win? Am I the real winner, or just another loser? Because I know, for him and me, it's already over. And now I'm the one with the broken heart.

~Finished.


End file.
